frazzled sheets, fragile hearts
by calamities
Summary: beast boy isn't sure when he fell in love with raven, but he fell hard— or the five times raven came to beast boy, and the one time he came to her. bbrae one-shot. rated m for safety.


His fingers trace slowly over the small of her back, connecting hundreds of invisible stars together and burning constellations onto her pale skin.

She glances up at him, and he can see stardust woven into the violets of her eyes, galaxies forming behind the darkness of her pupils.

(He swears there's an entire universe hidden inside of her, waiting for someone to explore its icy depths;

He likes to pretend it's meant to be him, only him.)

"Gar," She whispers his name into the hollow of his mouth. Her voice, unsteady; uncertain, breaks him out of his trance. "It's getting late. I have to go back to my room, now."

"No you don't," Beast Boy groans, grabbing her wrist and gently tugging her back to him when she tries to get up. The vague smell of lemon and mint floods over his senses, and _good God,_ he wants to spend forever drowning in her scent. "There's no one here to find us. They're all at that stupid party and they probably won't be back until morning."

"Still, we should be careful—"

"For what?" He asks. "They're not gonna check our rooms. Just stay, Raven."

"I just think—"

"Please Rae," Beast Boy buries his neck into the crook of her neck, breathing her in and getting drunk off her. "You never stay. Just this one time."

He looks up at her, wide eyed, and _fuck,_ how can she say no to him when he looks at her like that, when he sets her insides aflame and turns her heart into putty? She rolls back into her spot, and when he feels her gentle breaths ghost over his shoulder, he finally releases his grip on her.

When Raven snakes her arm around his waist, Beast Boy ignores the sudden drumming of his heart against his ribcage. Despite how he feels his brittle bones snapping into two when she pulls him even closer to her, until they are skin against skin, until his breath send shivers down her spine, until he can feel the steady of her heart echo faintly against him, he makes nothing of it.

(But it's _everything._ )

They're fast asleep, because even though none of them cares to admit it, they feel so at home wrapped in one another.

* * *

The next time Raven comes over, Beast Boy doesn't ask her to stay, but she doesn't leave until the next morning.

(He pretends his heart didn't skip a beat when he realizes she stayed; she pretends she didn't miss him when she leaves.)

* * *

Raven has a date.

(It's a blind date, set up courtesy of Starfire.)

Of course, it's not like it matters to Beast Boy, it's not like they're together or anything, it's not like he has any feelings for her.

(It's not like he's lying to himself to make himself feel better.)

When Raven asks him if he has a problem with her going on a date, he tells her he doesn't, that he hopes she has a good time while she's out.

But she doesn't.

(Beast Boy just _had_ to say something.)

Her date, Harry (Henry? Harley?), shows up to the restaurant thirty minutes late, the faint smell of cheap cigarettes and vodka clinging onto his skin, and she can already tell things won't go the way she hopes they will. There isn't a hint of life in his dull, gray eyes and when he smiles at her, he genuinely looks like he's in pain.

He's an empty shell of a person; a ghost.

Raven thinks _she's_ dead inside, but Harry/Henry/Harley has no passion in him whatsoever. The only time he shows any emotion is when he mentions his ex, and they both know he isn't over her.

So before either of them finish their dinner, before he can disappoint her any more, Raven tells him goodbye, and he tells her he's sorry.

She's sorry too.

Raven goes straight to Beast Boy when she comes home. She doesn't say anything, she doesn't have to. He holds onto her with everything he's got, as if he's scared of losing her, as if she'll vanish before his very eyes if he doesn't hold on tight enough. Beast Boy presses a kiss to her shoulder and tells her that he'll always be here when she needs him.

(He isn't going anywhere, ever; neither is she.)

* * *

Beast Boy swears he's not in love with Raven, that there's no possible way he could be in love with her.

Raven swears she's not in love with Beast Boy, that there's no possible way she could be in love with him.

He fucks her twice as hard as usual to distract himself from his thoughts, and as she rakes her fingers down his back, her nails dig so deep into him, tiny droplets of blood appear on his spine. As he slams his hips into hers, he whispers beautiful nothings and dirty secrets into the nape of her neck. His words set her off, ignites an inferno that consumes her utterly. Beast Boy's thrusts grow sloppy and reckless and Raven has to bite his shoulder to keep her moans muffled. It hurts like hell, having her teeth submerged into his skin, but he doesn't mind the pain, just because it's Raven, and he'd rather hurt than feel nothing from her.

They're both shaking and Raven's visions turns hazy and she's seeing stars, while Beast Boy whispering her name like a prayer and losing all feelings in his toes. He kisses her one more time and they both come apart. They never notice that one of them slipped their hand into the others, and they fall asleep with their fingers still tangled together.

(When Beast Boy wakes up, he's still swearing that he isn't in love with Raven, but deep down, he knows it's a damn lie;

When Raven returns to her room, she's mutters over and over that she isn't in love with Beast Boy, but she's not sure she believes herself.)

* * *

It's Raven, it's _always_ been her. She's everything and Beast Boy's so goddamn stupid, he doesn't realize it until he loses her.

(But then again, he can't really lose something he's never had.)

It happens on the anniversary of his parents' death, of course Raven didn't know, but it's not like it would've changed anything. It hits him hard this year, the weight of his loss. The bitter taste of sorrow is strong on his tongue. The pain haunts him, stabbing at the darkest corners of his mind and shaking him to his very core. He is alone, and he mourns, he grieves, he aches, and he cries.

He is alone and he is lost and he wishes he weren't.

There's a quiet knock on his door. "Garfield," Raven whispers. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Go back to your room."

"I can feel your emotions—"

"I said I'm fine, so leave me alone!"

"I just want to help!"

"I don't want your fucking help, Raven," He snarls, finally opening the door to face her. "You're just the girl I fuck sometimes. I don't need your help and I don't need _you_ , so how about you stop pretending that you're something you're not and leave me alone."

Her eyes go wide and the tears come like an avalanche but she doesn't leave, doesn't let her chin fall. "Fine," She says. "But you and I both know that you're not as fine as you say you are. You may be able to fool everyone else, make them believe you're happy, but I know what you really are. You're sad, and you're empty and you're _poisonous._ You can't fill the void in you and you're so pathetic, you just let it consume you. How about **you** stop pretending that you're something you're not, huh?" She yells, shoving him into his room. She's screaming and crying and she trembles with every venomous word she hurls at him. She's falling apart at the seams and it's tearing Beast Boy into pieces. "You're just as broken as the rest of us." She spits, storming away, desperately trying to wipe away her tears.

(And she's right. She's right, she's right, she's _right_.)

(They spend the rest of their nights trying to dull the pain of it all—

She drinks and drinks until her body's numb; he beats and beats his punching bag until his knuckles bruise.)

* * *

Everyone in the tower can sense that there's something up between him and Raven, but no matter how hard the others try to get them to open up, neither of them wants to talk about it.

(Starfire makes the pudding of sadness for Raven, but Raven blows it up with her magic and the bowl lands on Starfire's head;

Cyborg tries to talk about it while he's playing video games with Beast Boy but he ends up with claw marks on his armor.)

Days pass and Raven's still letting the alcohol drown away her emotions and Beast Boy's still burying his feelings in his punching bag. Raven passes out twice and Beast Boy breaks his left hand.

They're destroying themselves, but they insist they're fine.

(It's not like the physical pain compares to the emotional.)

* * *

Beast Boy isn't sure how much longer he can take it.

God, he misses her. He misses the scent of lemon and mint on his sheets. He misses sketching patterns onto her skin, how she shivers as his fingertips drag up and down her spine. He misses being able to see her in his shirts, the hemline just _barely_ hitting her thighs. He misses lying in his bed with her, exchanging meaningless secrets about each other that meant the world to the other.

Beast Boy screwed up, he knows it; _fuck_ , he knows it. He'd give anything to take it back, to never have Raven fall apart like that.

(—to never be the reason she fell apart.)

* * *

Raven hates him.

She hates how he never lets her in, how he always hides his true emotions. She hates how he always insisted on handling things by himself, as if he were too much of a burden upon others. She hates how he knows exactly how to tear her apart; how he knows exactly which thread to pull for her to unravel and come undone.

 _You're just the girl I fuck sometimes._

 _I don't need you._

 _Stop pretending that you're something you're not._

God, how foolish is she? To actually believe…

(Raven hates him— or, she wants to.)

* * *

Two hours pass since Beast Boy knocked on Raven's door without a response. He knows she's in there, so he doesn't bother getting up until they talk.

The door slides open, and Beast Boy, forgetting that he'd been leaning on it, falls over. He glances up to see Raven staring at him, wearing a blank expression. "Why are you still here? I thought you'd leave already."

"Not until we talk."

"There's nothing to talk about, Beast Boy."

Frowning at the fact that she called him Beast Boy, which she hasn't in months, he gets up. "Rae, I'm sorry about what I said—"

"Beast Boy, I don't really care."

"Please, just listen to me! I meant none of it. You're so much more—"

"No, you listen to me," She demands, her voice stern. "I don't care about your apology because I don't care about what happened. I don't care about what you said. It doesn't matter, so just go back to your room already."

"I don't believe you; you were crying."

Raven glares at him, but he doesn't mind because he prefers her anger over her detachment. "I wasn't thinking straight. I see now that it was pointless to get upset over a few words, especially when you're the one who said them."

"What's that's supposed to mean?"

"It means that it's pointless getting upset over you. You're not that important to me, Beast Boy."

(She hears something break behind her, but she doesn't falter.)

She's getting ready to walk back into her room, but Beast Boy grabs her wrist and pulls her into him. "You don't fool me either, Raven," He whispers. "I can see right through this act of yours. You can lie to yourself all you want, but you can't lie to me."

"I hate you," Raven bites back, trying to yank her wrist away, but only pulling him with her.

"I know," Beast Boy murmurs, leaning into her. She doesn't move away and she wishes she could. It's been too long and she is weak and she aches for him.

"I hate you," Raven repeats, her voice rippling, soft and unsure.

"I know."

"I hate you," She chokes back tears and she forgets how to breathe. He strokes her hair and it immediately soothes her and she can't stand it.

"Why don't I hate you?" She sobs into his neck, and Beast Boy shushes her, wrapping his arms around her and she let go of all her tears. "I just want to hate you." She looks up at him, with puffy eyes and wet cheeks and he still thinks she's the most beautiful person he's ever set his eyes upon.

Beast Boy wipes away her tears. "Guess I'll just have to hate me enough for the both of us," He says and she snorts, rolling her eyes.

"I'm tired, Gar."

"Let's take a nap," He says, walking into her room with her.

They climb into bed, lying together in the silence for a few minutes. Raven smiles at him before closing her eyes and falling asleep, and Beast Boy can feel his broken pieces coming together.

He becomes whole.


End file.
